mikelcat

Its january 2010 of the new year .This past three months have been the roughest in my life . I've face needing a hip replacement that I can't have because my t-cell count is too low , two subsequent blood tests and two more months and still I can't get the count I need and I'm hurting a lot . It hurts to walk , stand , lay down and to move , I needed to get a wheelchair to go outside and movement is painful . I've changed aspects of my life , I eat better , no more sugar a lot of fruit , juice and Ive cut way down on the pain medecine however up to now my t-cells have gone down instea d of up and the emotional toll has been difficult . I am for the most part alone here , my brother is in love and I'm happy for him but its lonely for me , my sister is in florida and the rest are in new jersey . I really have no close friends per say although Junior has been great and Mike Sainsbury also has been a good friend . But its tough because I can't walk much and I never expend enough energy to really tire myself much and therefore I'm up till all hours until I fall out for an hour or two , then I wake up , leg stiff and hurting and still pretty lonely . I'm coping better though , I realize I choose this type of life and its fine as long as your able to care for yourself , but I can't now . I've gotten all the help medecaid can pretty much give , the wheelchair , a walker , a cane and ahome attendant 3 time a week , mon , tues , and fri
. And she helps a lot , as for the loneliness thats still a big problem , my biggest . I'm strating my Vet Asst course again , I paid what I owe and on monday I should be able to structure a finishing plan .I found some other doctors to call about the surgery too , which I'll do monday .My cats Mara And Cleepa help to keep me company but its not a person , I need to step up better to make friends . So I'm making the best of it for the most part although I could do more , I'm still scared for sure , I hope God will help me and have mercy on me , I did log a lot of hours as a adolecent in church , I dont want to be phony and I just don't have the faith right now . God help me !!